Friday, March 25, 2011

So Happy Together

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Some of the biggest, loudest fights Jeremy and I had during our early marriage was over golf. Golf! It seems silly, I know, but those of you who are also golf widows know exactly what I'm talking about. I understood that we were having children so we could be together, a happily ever after family. An absentee husband who is working all the time during the week and then disappearing all day on Saturday to golf didn't figure into those plans.

And then I heard this little piece of advice: The best we can do is figure out what it is that our spouse is trying to be, what makes him or her happy, and then do everything we can to help them become that person.

I heard this quotation (I have absolutely no idea where!) the evening after our last big fight over golf, and I don't think we've ever repeated that particular fight since. That was several years ago. To Jeremy's credit he works extremely hard to balance his play time with family time, but it's amazing how quickly all of my former resentment about his extra curricular leisure activities melted away. He loves golf. He loves BYU football. He loves every single sport on Earth. They make his life feel full and exciting, and it changes our relationship when I am the person who helps create opportunities for him to participate, or who bites my tongue when the opportunities come along.

It is one of those interesting, universal truths that when you are happy with your own life, you will also be much, much happier together!

2 comments:

  1. I was just discussing this topic last night. I used to get FURIOUS over Nate's extra curricular activities. It was the biggest source of contention in our marriage. A woman who had been married a long time to a husband that loved to play like mine said to me, "I figure there are a lot worse things he could be off doing than surfing and playing basketball." That really made an impression on me. I realized she was right and I should not begrudge him his good, clean hobbies. I no longer take it personally -- I realize that it makes him happy and has nothing to do with not wanting to be with me/us. I think he has gotten better at trying to involve the kids/family as much as possible. It has also helped that I have finally gotten some extra curricular activities of my own.

    P.S. We miss you!

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  2. I love what you said about getting your own activities. No point sitting around while HE is out having fun.

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