Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Extreme holiday sports

High-Res Stock Photography: Woman sleeping on sofa surrounded by sweet…
photo credit
Does anyone else feel like the woman in this picture?

There's a terrific quote by Tina Fey that makes me laugh out loud every time I think of it. Fey writes, On at least three occasions, I vomited on Christmas Eve from mixing chocolate, peel-and-eat shrimp, summer sausage and cheese. No alcohol was involved.

It's two days after Christmas and if this quote doesn't resonate with you then maybe you've never tried those delicious little Lindt chocolate balls, or it's possible you're just not a big fan of eggnog. My two year old has woken up every morning this week hollering, Eggnog time! As if this is a new way of life and she can expect to be served eggnog for breakfast everyday from here on out. I thought once the carton ran dry she would move on, but today when she realized the eggnog was gone she came to me with her shoes and said, Let's go to Target and buy more eggnog. That's my girl.

The thing I like best about the Tina Fey quote is the subtle undertone of pride. It's like she sees three different instances of eating herself sick on Christmas Eve as a personal accomplishment, like an extreme sport that not everyone is capable of playing. Truthfully, I'm kind of envious of her stamina. I'm all about the holiday cuisine, but I told my husband last night that I can probably go the rest of my life without eating another piece of fudge. Enough is enough people!

So, a few days before Christmas I developed an annoying eye twitch. It's an involuntary flutter or spasm, and while at first it only happened a few times a day, by Christmas day my eye was twitching every fifteen or twenty minutes. Now that's not annoying! Jeremy and I were asked to be the narrators for our church Christmas program and as I was getting dressed Christmas morning I had to laugh, wondering if it would be inappropriate for me to lean into the microphone and say, pay no attention to my involuntary twitching folks. I'm fine, just fine. Let's focus on feeling the Christmas spirit. Luckily my brain and body somehow got the clue and I managed to get through the entire Christmas program without so much as an undignified flutter.

When I got home from church I finally took the time to sit down and google "involuntary eye twitching" just to be sure I'm not on the verge of a tragic aneurysm or something. As it turns out, eye spasms are a fairly normal side effect of sleep deprivation and stress. Well, I thought to myself. I might not be man enough to yak summer sausage and chocolate like Tina Fey, but I can stay up until two in the morning finishing Christmas projects and hanging out with friends for five nights straight and develop a pretty fabulous eye twitch. I can't express how delightfully hard core I feel knowing it takes a certain amount of exhaustion to reach that level of bodily distress.

When Jeremy got up to get ready for work this morning I stretched out in my bed like a cat lying in a patch of sunshine. No carpool. No appointments. No obligations. No responsibilities (except possibly to replenish our eggnog supply). Many people spend the entire month of December looking toward Christmas Day as the end goal, the final touch down. Our family had a lovely Christmas this year, but now that it's over I think a small part of me, probably the twitching eye part, has been anticipating the quiet down time of the week after Christmas even more than the Big Day. This morning the garbage collector carted away all the wrapping paper and other remains of Christmas. I've used our fire place so much over the past three weeks that the pilot light went out and is refusing to re-light. There's a scratch on my favorite Christmas cd, and my poinsettia plant is beginning to wilt. And as of last night my left eye started twitching too, so it's like this really fun game of right eye, left eye fluttering all the time. So, I don't know about you but as for the Gillespie family it sounds like it's about time to settle down for a long winter's nap.

Sweet Dreams!

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