I have several close friends and a sister-in-law who are all expecting right now, and we've agreed that the general public could use a brief refresher course on what NOT to say to a pregnant woman. So, help a girl out by trying to refrain from repeating anything that even remotely resembles the list below. If necessary, please print this list and carry it around in your wallet as a reference sheet. By the way, these are actual phrases that real humans beings have said to me and my friends over the past few months:
- Wow! You're showing already?
- I bet your husband is going to be so happy when this is all over.
- My goodness! You were hungry...
- But do you really think you should eat that?
- That outfit makes you look like your belly is going to explode at any moment.
- Look at the bright side, you're already half way through.
- I have another friend who is pregnant, and she looks awesome.
- Actually, my doctor told me when I was pregnant that all the extra calories you need are in a half of a tuna fish sandwich.
- I never get sick when I'm pregnant.
- This isn't your first pregnancy, so you had to expect that you'd be bigger this time.
- Pregnant women know ahead of time that the process takes 40 weeks. So, why do they keep moaning about it?
- I always craved raw vegetables and salad when I was pregnant.
- Don't worry, you're allowed to be irrational.
- You look pretty good, all things considering.
- So, it looks like you're about to have that baby any day (you're still 3 months from delivery)
- Just try to enjoy the journey.
In short, the general rules are: Think before you speak, show compassion, and leave us alone about the way we look. Especially if we don't know you and you're just trying to make small talk in line at Target. Oh, and remember that while it's okay to stare, if we don't know you well, please do not touch. We have lady parts only a few inches in either direction, so frankly it's just weird to receive belly massages from random acquaintances!