Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Hello, My Name is Lauren and I'm an Alcoholi...a Mother

After writing the last two blog posts I've decided it's a pretty darn good thing I'm an active Mormon and therefore don't drink, smoke or use drugs because if I did do those things I'm pretty sure THIS is what my 2012 Christmas card photo would have looked like:

photo credit
I wrote about this topic last year when quoting my Aunt Barb's famous saying that if it weren't for her faith she would've been a chain smoking, alcoholic prostitute. I think a lot of people feel that way, mommies perhaps more than others. But since I'm not popping open a bottle of bubbly every evening at six, or numbing myself with a wad of chew inside my cheek (I just love that image, holding the baby to one side while I spit tobacco off my back porch!) I have to do something. Chocolate usually does the trick but since I'm in the midst of 100 Days of Whole Foods (I'm being completely diligent in keeping this diet except when I decide to cheat every now and then) I'm reduced to adjusting my attitude the good ol' fashioned way. Here are a few "rules" I'm trying to practice this week:
  • When I'm not feeling nice, fake it.
  • I don't have to be a Care Bear Camp Counselor all day every day. Sometimes kids can find their own shoes, rummage through the pantry for their own snack, build their own fort, or try to figure out their own math problems...or wait until their father gets home to accomplish the above tasks. 
  • Stay off the telephone between 3:30pm (after school) and bedtime. No need to exacerbate the chaos.
I keep reminding myself that even when I feel grumpy, I can choose one of the above tactics to keep those feelings at bay until the sunshine returns. Hey, and at least I'm not lying toasted under the kitchen table, so I've got that going for me. Showing love and compassion to four little critters and their messes all day long every day is the toughest job I've ever taken on. So basically I want to say kudos to all the women out there who have managed to bear children without secretly smoking weed in the bathroom while the kids are watching Barney. As a demographic, we are the toughest chicks I know.

I intended to end my post on that thought, but on re-reading it there is something more I need to add. The older I get, or I should say the older my kids get, the less patience I have for spending time with negative or resentful mothers. Most of us chose this calling and although what I said above is still true, motherhood often makes us wish we could find a river to skate away on, it is also the most interesting and exciting job in the world. In the past seven days the Gillespie School of Children Who Will One Day Be Well Adjusted, Happy Adults has included lessons on why eating boogers might make us sick, how to make scrambled eggs without overcooking them, how to spell the words "blue" and "blew," and why it is funny to refer to your father as "Old Man." A fascinating and varied curriculum, indeed. I love being a mother. And as a demographic, we are the toughest chicks I know.  

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