Friday, January 11, 2013

Whoopsie Daisy

So, while my kids were still out of school on winter break last week I decided to duck into the grocery store to buy diapers and a couple of ingredients I needed for dinner. But once inside, all four kids were behaving so nicely I thought to myself, What angelic children I have. I might as well get a few more things while we're here. 

Fast forward 15 minutes.

I am standing at the checkout stand with a grocery cart full of food, a screaming baby, and where are the other three children? They would be the little girls fighting over the One Cent Horse Ride at the front of the store. It's a two-seater horse and I have three girls, so someone had to go and the fight to stay on top wasn't pretty. The spectacle of my four children might have been forgiveable if I hadn't realized right at that moment that I'd left my wallet at home. So, I smiled apologetically at the clerk and the line of shoppers behind me. Whoopsie Daisy. I don't have any money. We'll just come back later.  

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The next evening Jeremy had to work late and I thought, Why don't I jump in the shower with the baby and then I can hand him out to Kate (our resident seven year old nanny), who will get him dressed while I finish showering. It seemed like a reasonable plan.

The one hitch I hadn't considered is that whenever a shower or bathtub turns on at my house, little girls stop whatever they are doing and start ripping their clothes off as they race toward the source of running water. Within ten seconds I was caught in a small shower cubicle with a squirming infant and two out of my three girls. Kate was on the other side of the glass crying, Why don't I get to shower too? Why do I have to be the one to dry the baby off and get him dressed?

Things started to happen quickly after that, but the best I can put it together is that: Kate took the baby from me, wrapped him in a towel and abandoned him on my bed. Then she ripped her clothes off and joined the shower party. I jumped out of the shower and made a two second effort to dry off before rushing to rescue the baby, who was shivering uncontrollably. Somehow a drinking glass had made it into the shower along with my three girls and right as I reached the baby Madeleine dropped it on the shower floor. All I could hear was the sound of shattering glass and then heart stopping screams. So, I left the baby on the bed and raced back to the shower to find broken glass everywhere and blood seeping out from Elisabeth's foot. Judging by her screams you would have thought she'd lost her foot completely! I airlifted all three girls to the bathtub, threw a hand towel at Madeleine and told her to press down on Elisabeth's foot, and then ran through my house (still dripping wet, no towel) down to the kitchen to find band aids. Meanwhile, my infant sounded as if he was dying from cold and exposure.

It was later that evening that I noticed our curtains were open during my fabulous stark naked sprint through the house. Whoopsie Daisy. Sorry neighbors!

And finally, my personal favorite, this morning I pulled my car too far forward into a parking space and lodged my bumper on the concrete divider. It happens, so I didn't think much of it. Until I started to back out and when my bumper became un-lodged half of it fell off the front of my car into the road. So I had the privilege of stopping traffic in the grocery store parkinglot for a few minutes while I figured out how to re-attach the bumper. I haven't told Jeremy yet, but I plan to smile and say, Whoopsie Daisy.  

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Because in my opinion, Whoopsie Daisy sounds much nicer than, I'm a total white trash mess over here so please forgive me, but you might want to keep your distance because you never know when someone is going to be naked, bleeding, fighting, or breaking down in this general vicinity. Have a nice day!

1 comment:

  1. So glad it's not just me. You are such a good mom.


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