Things You Never Thought You'd Have to Say...Until You Became a Parent!

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Last year for my anniversary I gave Jeremy tickets to go see our favorite stand-up comedian, Brian Regan. It was a great night and we both laughed until tears streamed down our face. One of my favorite skits was when Regan reminisced about parenting. More specifically, about all the things you never thought you'd have to say to another human being until you became a parent. We've had a few of those at our house in the past six months:

• Do not lick your little sister.
• Do not lick your little sister's eyeballs either.
• Do not spit on your sister's bed when she is trying to go to sleep.
• Do not try to open the car door when we're driving 80 mph on the freeway.
• Do not draw a steak knife in order to persuade your sister to do things your way.
• Do not leap out of the bathtub and run through the house dripping wet shrieking, I'm naked! I'm naked! I'm naked!
• Do not gag on your dinner until you throw up all over the kitchen table.
• Do not wipe your boogers all over your bedroom wall. Or the sofa. Or your clothes.
• Do not tell your mother that you wish she would get a job so that your father can stay home and take care of you!

Laugh if you want to, but I'm betting some of you can top this list! What are some of the things you never thought you'd have to say?