Becoming a Party in a Box

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My mom's 70th Birthday trip, last year's spring break trip to New York City, and the three weeks our friends from England were going to spend at our house last August? Canceled. 

Day trips to downtown Chicago, fall break travel plans, and company coming into town for the holidays? Probably canceled. 

News reports of mass devastation, murder, discrimination, heinous acts of violence, and every single kind of natural disaster? Plentiful. 

The possibility of sickness, hospitalization, and scary breathing problems? Maybe. Not for sure, but maybe, and "maybe" is a really terrible option.

Sometimes it's tempting to feel like the grim reaper is lurking, and due to all of the above challenges and modifications to life plans, there is no more happiness. Happiness has been canceled. Only here's the thing: I don't actually believe that for a second. I refuse. I philosophically cannot abide that kind of thinking for longer than four or five hours, and I'd like to teach you a trick that has helped me flip that kind of negativity on its head. 

One of my most crucial, absolutely vital life lessons that has seen me through dark times and is now seeing me through 2020 is the principle of becoming "a party in a box."

I've probably written about this principle before, but it bears repeating, especially now. Let me explain. A few years ago when my brother-in-law graduated from college, we were living three states away and couldn't attend the commencement. So, we mailed a box full of party supplies. Streamers, party hats, obnoxious Kazoos, a cake mix and frosting... all of the ingredients to throw a party were in that box. My message to my brother-in-law was that we wanted to be there, but that he should go ahead and party hard on his own. It would have been nice to have external reinforcements, but he actually didn't need us to celebrate because all of the elements of the party were inside the box. 

Similarly, we don't necessarily need our external circumstances to be perfectly comfortable in order to be happy. We have all the elements within us to enjoy our life, and we can (and should) make our own fun. 

Seeing my life from the perspective that I am "a party in a box" has been incredibly empowering. When I don't get invited to lunch, I make my own lunch plans. When my pool day gets rained out, I build a basement fort and binge watch Tom Hanks movies inside. Whatever disappointments and limitations that life imposes, I deliberately try to be resourceful in finding another option. I will not hide in my room feeling sad, left out, discouraged by the weather, cowed by social unrest, pandemics, or tornados. I am a party in a box, and I have everything inside of me-- creativity, imagination, and a good sense of humor-- that enable me to go around the boulder in my path and find a different option. 

This way of thinking has saved me, and repeatedly I see it saving my kids. As an unspoken rule, we do not sit and feel sad when plans don't work out. We make new plans. 

Becoming a party in a box is going to look different on every person. Some of you wouldn't dream of building a basement fort and binge watch Tom Hanks on a rainy day. But to get you thinking, I'm going to share a few of the strategies that are reintroducing fun and happiness to my life. My list looks different from the list I would have written last year, but in a few short months I've come to rely on the way these activities invite happiness to my life: 

• I go outside every single day. If you live in Naperville, you will probably see me, at some point, walking my puppy. Vitamin D makes you feel better. Fresh air makes you feel better. Sometimes I see neighbors or friends in their driveway and we chit chat, six feet apart. Socializing makes me feel better. I wear air pods and talk on the phone to my sisters, or listen to podcasts, or inspect other people's landscaping and try to get ideas. Almost everyone can go for a walk, and almost everyone will feel better for doing so.
• I have never needed people so much as I have these past months. It's not that I suffered through quarantine because as already noted, I am a party in a box and we found lots of ways to cope and make it great. But quarantine makes you realize how valuable it is to surround yourself with a variety of ideas, conversation, and personalities. Socializing looks different for every family, and sometimes where you live is the biggest influencer of how you can recreate with others. But I have been relentless about finding ways to spend time with people. Going on walks, going out to dinner (many restaurants offer outdoor seating), and doing backyard parties with friends has saved me. 
• Right now my entire family is working and doing school from home, and it's a lot. It's a lot for my kids, especially. So I initiated "Fun Friday Lunch" and it has been a total hit. The first week we did a crepe bar, the second we made paninis, and last Friday we did a waffle bar. When my kids break for lunch on Fridays, they race to the kitchen to see what I have for them, and ALL FOUR KIDS have expressed that it is one of the highlights of their entire week. It's just waffles, but apparently it's not just waffles. We all need something to look forward to.
• Every night after we put our two younger kids to bed, Jeremy and I watch one episode of a tv show with our teenagers. First they fight over who gets the arm chair in my room, and the loser of that fight then argues over who has to sit in the middle on my bed. We watch tv, laugh, and admire the general splendor of our puppy as a nightly, wind down routine. We also agree that it is the very best part of our day.

Choosing to be a party in a box means that you are choosing to be self-reliant in creating your own fun and happiness. It means you aren't waiting on other people, or for external conditions to ripen in order to enjoy your life. In fact, much of the time, we're going to have to work extra hard to find that bright spot in our day because things are so hard. But in The Happiness Project Gretchen Rubin wrote, "Look for happiness under your own roof." This is the perfect charge for each of us. My examples of how I am creating happiness are simple, and they may not work for you, but the point is that you reconsider your own habits, traditions, and daily rituals to deliberately make room for something happy. 

Many people fear that things are only going to get worse, and with the election looming and Cuties on Netflix, the whole world must be going to hell in a hand basket. I say bring it on. I say we're just getting started, and no matter what happens we are perfectly capable of showing resilience and digging our heels in harder to create our own happiness.